What's YOUR facebook status ???

 This article is for all of you for whom  facebook is a drug .I would like to thank my 192 friends on facebook who inadvertently inspired me to write this article. Here, I try to categorize the kind of people that we have on FB.

 Mr/Ms ' NUMERO UNO' :
This person is suffering from the breaking news bug.This guy considers it      his biggest failure if he is not the first one to break out a news to his fellow pink-slipped FB friends. Nothing gives him more pleasure than seeing someone commending him thorough 'likes' and  comments on his disclosure.If he is sitting on his toilet seat and can't access his lappy then he tells his mom to put an update on FB that he got loosemotions today.

 Mr/Ms  'YOU BROKE MY HEART' :
This is the person who portrays himself as the one who has been kicked on ass by his lover.Often, his status updates show how much he misses his lover or for that matter, hates her.Some times he helps himself with a bit of shayari or lyrics of a bewafa-sanam-esque song.

Warning: If you really want to be in good books of this person,don't forget to boast your sympathy for him/her.A simple 'Awwwwww' would suffice.

 Ms  'OMG!! THIS IS SO ROMANTIC ':
This class of people (usually girls) possess LBCs (Love Blood Cells) besides the normal RBCs and WBCs running in their every artery and vein.Their status updates consists of the  supposedly-romantic stuff and the funnier thing is that they expect lots of likes and comments and if nobody does this then they commit themselves up to the task and 'like' their own status just to give a jolt to the 'insensitive' friends.

Mr  'YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TODAY??'  :
This guy doesn't come online throughout the day but just when the day is about to get over (though,the sun never sets on FB), he pops in from somewhere and is adamant to inform people about how was his day, on his wall.

 Mr  ' I AM SO LONELY, SYMPATHISE WITH ME '  :
This sympathy-famished person is the most irritating of them all.He just picks up a depressive line from net and drops it on his wall.Bhatt camp's roles for kangna ranaut must have been inspired from him, if not, they should definitely give it a try.

 Mr  'DICTIONARY'  :
This is the guy who is actually preparing for GRE or TOEFL exams where direct vocabulary questions are asked.He considers FB as THE PLATFORM to boast off his command over the most elusive of words.This,in turn frightens his fellow friends over FB,who have to barge in their heads into thesaurus several times just to be somewhere near a position of replying to this guy's posts.

Mr  'THIS LINE IS MINE'  :
This guy impudently denies the original creator of his credits by plundering over his quotes or lines on his wall.This act of plagiarism remains obscure untill you find that quote somewhere on the net.

 Mr  'I AM SO FUNNY' :
This is the guy who searches youtube and dailymotion for funny videos for hours and as and when he finds one,it is next seen on this guy's wall.Again the underlined motive remains the same.. i.e 'likes' and comments.

 Mr   'I dont know what the hell I am posting.I just want likes and comments' :
These are the guys who see a funny link on someone's wall and then in a second, share it on theirs ,for the benefit of their friends.They may not understand why that link is funny but they trust the intelligence of their friends.

Mr  'CRITIC' :
This is the guy who reviews every movie or music album he comes around, on his wall.Sometimes he urges his friends not to watch a particular movie as he found its cinematography and art direction pathetic.

Mr  'SENSIBLE'  :
This guy seems to be the most sensible person around. He is not a prolific status updater. His likes and comments on a post are a validation of sense prevailing in that particular post.

Ms 'FARMVILLE'  :
These girls think that there is nothing else important in your life than to know which vegetable are they growing, or who is their new (ill fated) neighbour.. or is there a bull or a pig or an anaconda which has got into their farm .Important thing being , whether, is he lonely or not , or.. maybe... if he has been forsaken by his owner.And ofcourse the mysterious eggs,which are certainly as mysterious as is the question of their origin itself.

Mr  ' LYRICSWRITER' :
These are the people who like to write lyrics of some random song on their wall to apprise people of their adulation for the song. Ofcourse, their chosen entry for the day varies with the mood swings.

 Mr/Ms    'EMOTICON' :
Boredom can make people do weird things.For instance when they have nothing else to post about and their conscience is literally itching them as to how in this world did they not post anything today. Guilt is ineluctable. So ,finally, they decide to put a mysterious emoticon or two on their wall.That's it. Now that's a pretty smart thing to do.

Mr 'OPEN BOOK' :
 This guy has no secrets.If you follow his status updates then making out what's going on in his life is no big a puzzle.He writes about almost everything thing. These sensational revealations may be anything about his "radio button" relationship fluctuations or his professional life. He does not even hesitate to reveal which brand of underclothes he bought,the last time he shopped.

 The WHOHOOO!!  GIRLS :
 These are the girls whose status makes you feel life is one big party.They like to revel everything good that happens to them.These girls can be identified with the presence of words like "YAY or YAAY or YAAAY" , YEYE ,HAHAHAHA in their status. You should look forward to them.

PS: Even I qualify for many of these titles.

Daily soaps : What they are all about..

That day, I was free and was scanning the channels on my TV. Suddenly, I paused on a channel showing a daily soap. The show had a funny name. It was something like "godbharai" or "godbharvayi". I watched a scene or two and instantly picked up the gist of the story.There was this male lead who was impotent (namard) and he is  portrayed as a super-desperate man to have a baby of his own. Personally, I found it amusing. Soon the show ended and was replaced by another one. This one had a female protagonist who was so meek and gentle that I instantly inferred that no matter what, she is going to face every affliction possible in a joint family.If not, then well.. who will watch the show??

Some of the most common/irritating things that I can point out about these daily soaps are...


THE GAUDY APPEARANCE OF WOMEN :  These women roam around in the house clad in those flashy sarees and jwellery.I sometimes wonder if there is some permanent wedding going on in these soaps.Each woman is trying to beat every other in terms of volumes of jwellery and weight of costumes. Don't the producers know, these things can heavily distract their female audience ( 99% ).

SET : These shows have some really expensive sets. All those women keep wandering here and there in haveli like houses.Moreover , they always have a staircase and yes it is damn important to the storyline. Everytime the makers see a dip in the TRPs they can instantly get their female protagonist pregnant and then she can be made to fall on this staircase. This is like sure shot. It always works.

ZOOM IN/ZOOM OUT: You would be grossly lying if you say that you have never noticed this. Situation is like this. A woman says something to other women (and 1 or two men) and then what follows is a zoom in of the woman from different (otherwise redundant) cameras and then follows the reaction of rest of the inmates to what this woman has said.Ofcourse there are zoom ins here too and rightly so. Reactions are also important , afterall. Sometimes these action-reaction combats last for the whole episode.

SHRILL SOUND EFFECTS: Recently Russel Pokutty won an oscar for background music for slumdog.I sometimes feel that his brothers in the TV industry are always denied of any kind of recognition.These sound effects bring life to the twists. I wonder, all those twists can go unnoticed if sound effects won't have been there. They are like an identity to the actors, specially vamps. Each vamp has her own background music that is as shrill and foxy as it can get. remember komolika....

A WORSHIP PLACE : I dont think this is debatable. All of you must agree that each of these houses have temples where the whole family worships. This idolization is a routine as far as the story is concerned. I wonder( again ) if smriti irani had counted , how many times she has done this. If yes, it would had been difficult to keep a record.

THE OLDEST WOMAN: Each one of these shows has a BAA of its own.This creature defies all physical and natural laws of aging.I sometimes doubt if indian TV producers got hold of elixir somehow.This old woman claims that she has just one wish left in her life. The wish being that she wants to see her grandson getting married. She often blackmails her son (the father ) and forces him to take his son to the nuptial bed as soon as possible so that she can have fun with her super grandson.


THE VAMP : This is the character in the plot that indirectly steers the story forward. She is often an unmarried bua or sister of the sasu maa who is staying in the house without any reason. She is sometimes the sexiest and most seductive woman of them all yet, deceptive.Every vamp has her signature background sound effect which is played every time she successfully executes his shrewd manipulations or when she is praising her wit herself.


DIL MIL GAYE : This particular serial deserves a special mention as it has endowed the television industry with a new kind of senti-romantic crap. It goes like this ..Dr Armaan and Dr Riddhima have a fight over something and riddhima is furious and walks away. Suddenly she gets even more furious as Dr armaan has clutched on to her dupatta.She takes an about turn to find that instead ,the dupatta has entangled in the shirtbutton of Dr Armaan.Then what follows is a series of crappy pseudo-romantic stares while the unplugged version of the title song plays in the background and then you notice that they are doing this for previous half an hour. You then , in exasperation ,switch off the TV and decide that you will release your angst on your blog ...

What have I become???

I've always wanted to be different (just like everybody else) but  was left incapacitated whenever someone  asked  " kid , what do you wanna be in life ?? " and this kid had no clue, neither then nor has he now . With no other alternative pick ,I finally decided to grow up (as if i could do something about it) and surrendered to the mighty kismet .Gave my 10th exams but was again confronted by a situation which demanded hell lot of a mind boggling. What stream to choose? I was literally made to understand "the importance of this decision " by every other person who was elder to me or considered himself/herself more mature. But I thought, this whole concept is a fallacy in the first place. Come on fellas!! you are asking a kid ,something that even adults dread of. It was one of those times when i felt Is this whole world crazy or is it just that I am extra intelligent?

Finally, settled with NON - MED science .Couldn't even flirt with idea of choosing Commerce or Arts.Reason: All my friends were taking up Science. It was like Science is cool and if you stray away, you are not a man. Now, how can a guy like me, who never tasted respect anywhere else , be disloyal to his friends.That is the age when you make many friends  and suddenly they seem to be the most important thing in your life. 

I was in 11th now, friends told me that this isn't going to suffice. One also needs to join a coaching institute (for engg.). By this time, i had understood, life has been playing a river to me and i had no choice but to go with the flow. So i did, indeed going drowning with flow , joined an institute.The same one that my friends had joined. Next two years were like hell. Couldn't do anything. My studies at the fucking institute got messed up. Was equally terrible at school. You know what happens when you try to fool around  with two girlfriends simultaneously. (ahh. terrible analogy!! )  A lesson was there to be learnt.

Eventually, ended up with a not-so-good engg. college.Can't express the depression I went through knowing that none of my friends are in my to-be college.

Anyhow,time passed.Presently, I am in year 3 of 4 of my engineering course. By now, i kind of developed a liking for what i am doing...Things have changed. I am no more an immature kid who just don't has a thinking of his own.  My friends don't indirectly take decisions for me now. Well, i have figured out what i want to do in life. I want to be a software engineer. The Kid has finally grown up!!!

Yesterday, i had a conversation with one of dad's friends which somewhat went like this..

Uncle: "hey son, how are you doing with your studies??"

me: "I am doing pretty good... I like it finally."

Uncle : "okay! that's good ! . I am so happy for you. My boy is going to be a software geek...haha"

me: "Let's see .."

Uncle: "what ?? "

me: "The thing is that I have joined a coaching institute for MBA exams preparation...."

Uncle : ohh. i see... but I thought you were sure that you wanna be a software engineer??

me : "Ummmm.. now i want to be a manager. MBA is cool. All my friends are doing it... and may be i dont like engineering that much....."