Why do I hate shopping ?

As such, I am a lazy guy but when it comes to shopping I find myself shackled in extra fetters. I don’t know if I am the only guy who feels like that but this one thing is as clear as Megan Fox’s skin that there are broadly two kinds of shoppers: Men and women. None of the other possible classifications can classify shoppers with such profundity. Whenever a woman gets dumped or is feeling extremely envious of another woman (mostly one of her friends. I believe nothing pinches a girl more, than losing her share of attention to none other than one of her friends. What makes it even worse is that she can’t even talk about it), then the most reliable and time –tested trick she relies on, is hitting the shops and malls. On the other hand, Guys have a different psyche all together. They will either, hit the bar to realize one of their hidden fantasies of getting blitzed and abusing their betrayer girlfriend, or they will arrange some drinks and get their hands on their good-old, always consecrated, Porn stack. This is the ultimate stress-buster. ohhh.. where were we??…yes shopping!

I don’t know about girls but there is one more thing that I hate about shopping. I just get so pissed off when that faggot security guard, at the door, catches hold of me. I just feel like running for my dignity. Nothing is more chagrining than getting a guard’s hand all over your body and getting your nuts caressed by that ugly poof. The only thing that gives me solace is the sight of girls enduring the same procedure on the other side.

After persisting through this mental trauma I enter the mall. ( I am not discussing the experience at a local market as it’s worthy of a dedicated article.) I go straight to the showroom that I trust upon, find some decent looking clothes, no! they needn’t be perfect! Pay for them and come out. That’s it! Shopping done. Thank GOD, I am not a girl and I don’t have to pay a visit to every known brand to search for a kind of dress ( a trashy look-alike) that Katrina wore in a recent movie, I don’t have to hunt for matching accessories for the each piece of clothing that I bought. It just baffles me how do girls handle this. I mean it’s hard for me to pick up just one or two from a pile of some awesome clothing. It just muddles me up and moreover I think it would be a sheer racial discrimination to the other pieces. I’d rather use some akkad –bakkad kind of thing( I hate inkie –pinkie –ponkie) so that I can blame it to the luck of the pieces. Plus unlike girls, I don’t have an option of picking all of them in confusion as I hate being laughed at and being considered stupid.

Other thing that really bothers me is that I can’t remember names of brands or shops. There are all sorts of brands that have come up in India with weird names and then you have to remember which one of them is for gents and which is not. Another potential humiliation-trap for me.  I just get devilled when my friends discuss about brands and their respective discounts on sales. Usually, one of these friends assists me while shopping.

One more thing that beats the shit out me is that creepy salesman that just keeps standing by you while you are making your mind to buy something. That’s not all. He will try to influence your choice by giving his personal opinions on which particular shirt will make you the smartest guy on earth. His servility reaches limits when he praises your choice even if you choose something as homo as Terence Lewis would have chosen.

In short, I suck at shopping. Unfortunately, it is something that’s part of life. I just hope someday, somehow an epiphany changes it all for me and finally I too enjoy something that half of this world relishes.

image courtesy: http://achinettevillamor.com