Kasab: Living mockery of Indian Judiciary

A major terrorist attack takes place in Mumbai. The whole world gapes, in bewilderment. Disturbing live telecasts of injured people, hapless, lathi-bearing policemen running around in front of AK-47s keep rolling on channels throughout the day. So many innocent people get murdered.  Mourning sessions take place. Politicians visit the injured and call for hefty packages. Political commentators on every news channel discuss the degree of heinousness of the incident, criticize and tell what should have been done, instead. City finally sleeps. People of Mumbai proudly boast off their ability of hitting back to life the very next day. Media starts exalting the spirit of Mumbai, be it the local train tragedy or 1993 blasts or for that matter the 26/11 attack.

 There is something inherently wrong in this endure-and-forget approach. Though it sets an example and is an in-your-face reply to the terrorists but the unfortunate ramification is that it makes people forget the incident. Only those, who lost their dear ones, can feel the timeless pain.

The burning example is that of Ajmal Kasab.  There cannot be a bigger insult of Indian judicial system. The guy who is distinctly caught on cctv footage with a rifle in hand, so many on-lookers available as witnesses. What else do you want to sentence a terrorist? If you are waiting for Pakistan to come forward and say that yes!! he is in fact a Pakistani and a terrorist involved with the Pakistan originated terror outfits, then that would never happen. Pakistani leaders are the brand-ambassadors of SSO (Society of Shitty obstinacy). For two years, that guy is living as a guest on Indian land, on the money of Indian people. It is in fact very embarrassing for Indian people to watch him making demands of chicken or mutton from jail. He says he came to Mumbai to become an actor or sometimes gives a philosophical what-is-sowed-has-to-be-reaped lesson to a politician. He has fun in the court, manipulating the facts, changing his tone and statements in each hearing much to the discontent of people who lost their kin members. This leaves us with a burning question-- WHY THE HELL INDIAN GOVERNMENT IS TAKING THIS SHIT???

It’s about time that we had something concrete with this case. If you ask the common man about what punishment would suffice for him, they will say, that punishment doesn’t exist. But being a civilized nation, the country of Gandhi, we will do everything under the aegis of law. It’s time that those jawans and police officers who lost their lives had attained salvation. This can happen only if the Indian judiciary listens to the mass emotion of the country and the collective sigh of pain saying—

--- HANG KASAB!!!! 

photo courtesy- thelatestnews.in

Soldier's letter to his wife from Kashmir

My love,

I am really sorry, baby, for making you wait, this long. I know you have been awaiting this letter anxiously. But evidently, things have turned out a bit unfavourable for me, up here. I couldn’t write to you in spite of thinking about it all the time. You know, how things work here.

Baby, how have you been? Tell me? You can’t imagine how much I think about you all. You sometimes become my biggest weakness, as I keep worrying about you and your well being when I definitely should not, having a very serious task at hand. Sometimes though, when I am down, lying broken on my bed, of the day’s ordeal, I see your photo and plant kisses on that piece of paper. The kisses, which I feel, deserve the underprivileged skin of yours. This makes me forget all the pain and hardships that I am enduring here. This makes me feel, I have to live, I have to fight and sustain so that once this is over, I can come back to you and my lovely daughter, whom till now, I have seen through your letters only. So badly, I want to see her…touch her and play with her…..This makes me realize that you people are my biggest strengths and you only keep me going.

My love, you are a strong woman. I know these times are not the best we can have; still you have to be stronger; stronger for yourself, for our little one, for us. I believe that you will keep supporting me through this and I promise, I will make it up to you once I come back, with so much love that you can’t even possibly imagine.

Life here is definitely not a bed of roses these days. When things are normal, I come back at 8 while with curfew imposed that can go down to 1 am, nevertheless, I have to wake up at 5 in the morning.

You know all about the infiltrants and militants. Now, apart from them, apparently, we have made some enemies from the inside, the locals. People, with whom we are dealing now, have been confused and misguided by some hardliners and local leaders. You may be aware of ways of protests that these people are adhering to. Stone pelting on us has become the new popular means of showing distrust here. I know, these people have genuine complaints but certainly this is not the way.

All people here do not actually think like that. They have been misguided by the local leaders. Some of the younger breed of protesters doesn’t even listen to these leaders and have started independently carrying out acts of vandalism and hooliganism. They have been made dubious about accession of Kashmir into Indian Territory by Raja Hari Singh at the time of independence. Now some of them want secession from Indian sovereignty and subsequent accession to Pakistan while some of them insist on having independent Kashmir. Both of these ways are not practical for a normal kashmiri denizen. Certainly, the suicide-bomb-esque Pakistan should certainly not be a ray of hope for them while the independent Kashmir would live a bubble’s life. I just don’t have any idea how much longer would it take to get things settled over here.

While the elite talk about Indian secularism, I say, that doesn’t exist here. Religion is the biggest issue here, in this muslim dominated area for politicians and extremists alike. The local muslims call us ‘bloody Hindustani’ while if we show some concern about them the rest of Indians say that you are not an Indian. This is the most unfortunate thing to hear, for an Indian soldier. But we still have hopes and will do our best to ensure a generalized welfare.

Meanwhile, I am trying to apply for leaves. Let’s see what happens. If God permits, I will be with you all very soon. Let’s hope for the best. Convey my share of love to the little doll. You know that I love you for being there always, for reciprocating that love unconditionally and enduring the troubles all alone there. I just love you for that. All this will be over soon baby, and I will fly back to you. Please… hang in there for me.. for just a little bit longer.

 I love you….

Your man.

AN OPEN LETTER TO SUNNY DEOL

Hello paaji,

I want to tell you how pissed off I am with the people who keep bickering over how Hollywood has got lots of superheroes and India has got nothing (except a masked long jump athlete in KKrish). I get filled with red hot rage when these sick people adore people like John Travolta, Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwargeneggar but on the other hand, ignore you. They forget that all the above mentioned action-heroes use lots of skills and technology to beat the asses of those baddies while you… you just do all of them with raw power.

There is this one thing that I like about your movies, I don’t have to bite my nails during a fight sequence thinking about whether the villain could kill you. I always know that somehow, at the end, you will manage to pound over the villains and guess what, you have never let me down. During those scenes I just pray for those poor fellows who dare to piss you off.

After Rajnikanth, if there is a man who can beat the shit out of those scoundrels, no matter how many in numbers they are, he has to be you.  I just get flabbergasted when you swing your hefty limbs and place those crooks in mid air. Plus, I am amazed by your undying spirit, I mean, in spite of having some 10 odd bullets inserted inside you, walking unsteadily, getting off balance, how you chase down the murderer of your kin or in some cases the guys who have pissed off the Indian in you, kill them in one swing of your withered arm, cremate your family, marry your only left sister to a nice guy, give them blessings and when it’s all done, then only, you  think of dying. I’d like to urge all the genetic  studies  scientists to study your genes as those genes might become the key to the immortality or if not, then at least they can be used to place supernatural immunity system in people, after some manipulations.

If you listen to me, I promise we may bring out a revolution in India. Here is what I’ve got to say. You can join the Indian National Army. Our enemies sitting beyond LOC very well know that they are going to shit their pants if this happens. They have still not recovered from the jolts that your deafening roars and your gymnastics over that moving train in their own country gave them in GADAR. They haven’t been still able to fix up that hand pump that you pulled off the ground and as it seems that they are not going to have enough luck in future too. Your joining the army would not only bring their morale down but also they won’t be having sufficient artillery and ammunition to gun you down. In case, they somehow pull this off, then also they know half of their troops are going down anyway as they have seen how bad you can be being wounded, with automatic guns in both hands and hand grenades in your pockets and hollering at a deafening pitch, Not to forget the above described immortal instincts. Man, they’ve got no chances.

Girls who get troubled with eve teasing should wear lockets having your photographs on them. They’d   just flash your photograph to these idiots and that alone would leave them paralyzed. That way the scoundrels know that God has sent his man on earth and now the girls are not at their mercy after all. Now this trick can be repeated with all sorts of problems that we face because of criminals.

Now we come to THE THING. The revolution I was talking about can be brought to life only if you think of donating your sperms. I mean, all that India needs to get rid of the problems that it is facing from within or outside the country, is having multiple Sunny Deols. Only your sperms should be used in procedures like artificial insemination so that we can produce more and more Sunny Deols for the welfare of this country. I would say this should be made mandatory. If possible, convince Rajnikanth too , to donate. I am cent percent sure this’ll turn out to be THE WAY OUT.

I hope you may take some time out of your already empty schedule and would consider my suggestions.

Your admirer

DementedSage

CAUTION: Those mothers who are interested in artificial insemination and want their child to have at least ordinary dancing sense then please ..i insist ..ignore Sunny Deol’s sperms.  Don’t believe me..have a look…

  

A day in Delhi Metro

Ask any Delhiite about that one recent change that has affected them most, reply has to be Delhi Metro (except if the guy happens to be a homosexual). With its sprawling wings, Metro is now set to rail over the entire city. Having said that, there are few things that every metro commuter experiences. Here I am, discussing few of them; A jaunt in metro, through my eyes.

Not gasconading about the vivid description of security checks again (last article. Here the only difference is that those hands belong to a constable), here, I would like to, just skip it and move on. After reaching the crowded platform I wait for the train. After a while as it arrives into the station, I can palpate the cumulative leaning-attention of public that it holds. The train stops and doors open. I intend to follow the cliché metro etiquette which expects us to first let out-bound passengers move but as I come to my senses, I realize, I am the only one standing outside the train. Through my gate, no one came out. I enter into the train.

Here is a description of what I see inside. There is a guy beside me boasting a french beard, pony tail , I-pod in hand, beads in ears, eyes closed, often jerking his head trying to match the beats. There is a couple. The guy holds the overhead bar while his girl, to hold on to something, keeps her hands in his jeans pockets. Lost in their own world, often mumbling into each other’s ears, so oblivious are they to the attention they are getting from an uncle who is keenly watching them and trying to eavesdrop. The guy says something funny to his girl, almost instantly the girl responds with a laugh and ‘dilruba-bobby-darling-esque’ slap on his shoulder. Apparently, uncle too manages to get the joke. He is smiling. Then randomly, the couple looks around and becomes aware of this interested companion. They see him and instantly their smiles contract. Now the couple is feeling conscious of  people around them.

On the seat behind me, there is a guy who is working on his laptop. He seems busy and tense. May be, he has to meet an imminent deadline. Suddenly, for the third time in the last two minutes, his phone vibrates. It is his girlfriend. Everybody around knows this, thanks to the previous calls. He is irritated now and rudely tells her that he is busy and will call back. He cuts the line. He looks upset. People around are smiling again.

Suddenly, my phone vibrates. It is a friend who wants to know a particular cheat code for GTA. After dealing with him, as I deposit back the phone into the pocket, I hear a hassle coming from the other side. A middle aged aunty is bickering over the famous ladies’ seat.

 “This is a laideej seat..don’t you understand??”

 A guy in his early twenty is the centre of attention. He tries to ignore auntyji.

 “A laideej of your mother’s age is standing in front of you, and you still are not moving??”

The guy still remains silent but rock solid on his seat.

” Today’s kids just don’t have any manners. You don’t care to respect elders. Gharvalo ne kuch sikhaya nahi hai kya??  Sikhayenge kya unhe khud nhi aata hoga kuch, aata hota to tum aise behave nai karte??“  

Now the guy looks up. He seems offended. Auntyji’s last blow was nasty. A man who is sitting with the guy tells him that he should have offered her the seat, she is an old woman after all. On this, the guy seems irritated and gives this man a ‘if–you-are-so-concerned-why-the-hell-are-you-still-sitting’ look and then just takes a deep breath and stands up. Auntyji won. Now auntyji is sitting on the controversial seat  and look, she is smiling now. Apparently, praising herself for the ‘seat-fetching’ skill she has mastered over the years.

Now I look through the window to know my exact whereabouts. There is still time for my station. I notice a group of friends (4 girls and 3 boys) chirping pretty dissonantly. They seem to be pretty excited. May be, going to hang out somewhere. They are planning what all they are going to do today. Everybody is joyous and giving suggestions. I understand. Friends make you forget your miseries. I start thinking about my friends and life but soon get interrupted as a family enters. They seem to be economically weak, superficially, have around six kids. They appear to demonstrate all the stages in a child’s growth through these kids. The leading man is clad with sunglasses. Though, I do not feel that ambience is that glary inside. He takes his kin to the juncture of two coaches and orders each one of them to sit on the ground. The family follows. But one rebellious but tiny child stands up and goes to the nearest pole. He now, is twisting himself around the pole, and see now he is running around it. He has done almost everything that is possible with a pole. ( no, sorry, not everything!! ) . This happens for around five minutes or so. Now the child is bored. He goes back to his family and sits with them on the floor. He is silent now.

Now it has started getting crowded in here. It will keep getting even more herded till Rajeev Chowk where I am going to de-board the train. Still four stations to go. I wait. I look around to check if something interesting is going on but unlucky this time. So, I take out my phone and start re-reading my messages to kill time.

The train is now going underground. I meanwhile prepare myself for some wrestling. All the people have become biased towards the exit gate side of the train. Everyone wants to leave first. I hate these clusterfuck situations. Train stops. Outside, there is an enormous crowd waiting to barge in. Gates open finally. The clusterfuck is in full swing now. Everybody inside wants to go outside at that very moment and everyone outside wants to make it first inside and grab a seat before it smooches someone else’s ass. It sets an impasse for some time until people self-realize what is needed to be done. Sense prevails at last. People make two lanes out of the gate. Finally things start moving. After coming out of the gate I take some deep breadths in. Feeling relieved, now I check for my phone and wallet. Ohh WTF?? Where is my phone?? My heart skips a beat. Not again…ohh. here it is. Thank God!

Now I am coming out of the station. A peculiar feeling is still lingering around as if my clothes have been scrapped off completely from one side while coming out of the train. Out of friction, may be, I reason.


picture courtesy : http://www.Hotgurgaon.com

Why do I hate shopping ?

As such, I am a lazy guy but when it comes to shopping I find myself shackled in extra fetters. I don’t know if I am the only guy who feels like that but this one thing is as clear as Megan Fox’s skin that there are broadly two kinds of shoppers: Men and women. None of the other possible classifications can classify shoppers with such profundity. Whenever a woman gets dumped or is feeling extremely envious of another woman (mostly one of her friends. I believe nothing pinches a girl more, than losing her share of attention to none other than one of her friends. What makes it even worse is that she can’t even talk about it), then the most reliable and time –tested trick she relies on, is hitting the shops and malls. On the other hand, Guys have a different psyche all together. They will either, hit the bar to realize one of their hidden fantasies of getting blitzed and abusing their betrayer girlfriend, or they will arrange some drinks and get their hands on their good-old, always consecrated, Porn stack. This is the ultimate stress-buster. ohhh.. where were we??…yes shopping!

I don’t know about girls but there is one more thing that I hate about shopping. I just get so pissed off when that faggot security guard, at the door, catches hold of me. I just feel like running for my dignity. Nothing is more chagrining than getting a guard’s hand all over your body and getting your nuts caressed by that ugly poof. The only thing that gives me solace is the sight of girls enduring the same procedure on the other side.

After persisting through this mental trauma I enter the mall. ( I am not discussing the experience at a local market as it’s worthy of a dedicated article.) I go straight to the showroom that I trust upon, find some decent looking clothes, no! they needn’t be perfect! Pay for them and come out. That’s it! Shopping done. Thank GOD, I am not a girl and I don’t have to pay a visit to every known brand to search for a kind of dress ( a trashy look-alike) that Katrina wore in a recent movie, I don’t have to hunt for matching accessories for the each piece of clothing that I bought. It just baffles me how do girls handle this. I mean it’s hard for me to pick up just one or two from a pile of some awesome clothing. It just muddles me up and moreover I think it would be a sheer racial discrimination to the other pieces. I’d rather use some akkad –bakkad kind of thing( I hate inkie –pinkie –ponkie) so that I can blame it to the luck of the pieces. Plus unlike girls, I don’t have an option of picking all of them in confusion as I hate being laughed at and being considered stupid.

Other thing that really bothers me is that I can’t remember names of brands or shops. There are all sorts of brands that have come up in India with weird names and then you have to remember which one of them is for gents and which is not. Another potential humiliation-trap for me.  I just get devilled when my friends discuss about brands and their respective discounts on sales. Usually, one of these friends assists me while shopping.

One more thing that beats the shit out me is that creepy salesman that just keeps standing by you while you are making your mind to buy something. That’s not all. He will try to influence your choice by giving his personal opinions on which particular shirt will make you the smartest guy on earth. His servility reaches limits when he praises your choice even if you choose something as homo as Terence Lewis would have chosen.

In short, I suck at shopping. Unfortunately, it is something that’s part of life. I just hope someday, somehow an epiphany changes it all for me and finally I too enjoy something that half of this world relishes.

image courtesy: http://achinettevillamor.com

Commonwealth Games: What it means to Delhi?

Why is it that without hosting some international sports event, Delhi can’t get its share of development. Earlier, when Delhi hosted 1982 Asian Games, people were gifted with color televisions, the posh south Delhi and The Appu Ghar. And yes, this was the time when people saw furnished roads at places outside the Lutyens Delhi.

Now Delhi is said to be set for Commonwealth Games. Only God knows what will happen, as all the news we are getting, is regarding the work lagging behind. But, this time government intends to gift a lot more to Delhiites. Some big stadiums (which after the games would only be used for marriage parties and ramlilas), many flyovers (alleged to be cracking already), extension of Delhi Metro (the only solace), and the mushrooming Red light areas to sate the carnal desires of tourists among others. Congratulations Delhi!!

INR 80,000 crore is supposed to be spent on CWG. No wonder every other leader is opposing it. WHY??  With that kind of money, these leaders could have done much more important things for the country. For example, Mayawati could've bought herself a cake commensurate with Agra’s size on her birthday, a brand new city named after her or a Dalit leader. While Indian rice and sugar is going wasted in godowns, Sharad Pawar could’ve imported more rice and sugar  to meet (his) demands (through commissions) , he could have bought MPs for the constitution of The Third Front and buy himself the directorship of FIFA too, Shashi Tharoor could’ve installed a facility in his toilet so that he can tweet live from there, Mamta Bannerji  could have paid for several assistants to look after her ministry so that she doesn’t has to move out of Kolkata, Mr. Laloo could have bought some contraceptive aids and few more buffaloes. Shibu Soren could have effectively utilized this money in bribing the court judges to bring down the number of his cases running in these courts. Vrinda Karat could have imported designer bindis for herself, specially ordered from Milan. This list can go on and on…

The question here is ..Can Sheila Dixit, with help of volunteer citizens, pull off the event while maintaining its dignity, keeping in mind, so many opposition leaders and some jealous party men are cursing the whole CWG approach day and night?  If GOD believes in quantity, CWG is in serious trouble.  

image courtesy : http://cribb.in

AN OPEN LETTER TO CUPID

Hey Cupid! Listen up dude!

This is weird. Isn't it??  Why, in this world, am I writing a letter to you? The one who is crucified every time a person can't practically justify the eerie, insidious attraction he feels induced for someone. But, the question is why the hell I, instead of watching football or fooling around on facebook or beating life out of my phone on whatsapp, for that matter (things that people of my age are supposed to do and the things which in fact some of my coeval friends might be doing right now as i write this letter), I am adamantly writing a zany letter to you. I mean, How dumb I am?

The fact is that, I have my own reasons which persuade me to do this. These are not my personal problems. I am doing this on behalf of all the libidinous (which covers 95% of them) guys who have been, throughout their life, abashed by the pranks played by CUPID on them. Of course, here I am not talking about any kind of platonic love.

Okay! Let’s get started.  

You leave me pissed off when you set me having a crush on my best friend's girlfriend. I agree that we have a high female foeticide rate in India but still there are so many other girls out there whom you can set me up with. But, all you could find for me, was, this sole girl. Come on! India still has a sex ratio of 933. You could have done much better. You don’t know how difficult a situation it is for a guy to cheat on his best friend. (I wonder if you are a guy?)

   

Let’s move on. I was a kid, and you made me fantasize about my teachers!! Fucking awesome!!  Haan !!  You had fun?? Having said that i agree that i had some privileges that an adult male would have been denied of but there was so little that i could do at that time.You must understand that this is India and people here can't live in such morally-bankrupt, perversion-inducing environment that you are trying to create here. What you do in western countries may be accepted by those people but certainly this can't go on here. We have shiv-sainiks and Ram sena who will beat the shit out of people, if they do so. So please can you find some relevant matches for me?       

Let me tell you that nothing is shittier than having a crush on an aunty next door or some receptionist of an institute (only because of whom we make a decision which coaching institute to join). I urge you not to put me in the moral disgrace when this is disclosed in public. No one except, the other guys, can empathize with us. I know this deserves a bad beating on our asses but people!!  Try being a guy for one day and you will know that it’s normal. But still as i said earlier it's all, at a higher level because of you or because of GOD who made us that way.  

There is another big problem with me. Every time I go and watch a movie, I end up having a crush on the cosmetics clad heroine. In fact, in that particular song of a shit-throwing movie "OSO" which featured every actress who was jobless at that time and was cringing to come on screen and shake'em with the 'BAD-SHAH' KHAN, I ended up being infatuated by each one of them. I am a human after all but I have limitations. I can’t think about so many women in one go. I am not saying that I don’t like it but man!, keep it slow, give me one at a time. The only aberration however, till now has been Shilpa Shetty. I sometimes wonder who told her that she can be a heroine and now she has done the same thing that every unsuccessful so-called-actress does, id - est marrying a millionaire. If she is called an actress in the first place then what wrong a deed Mallika Sherawat has committed. She also deserves the actress status. Ohhh.. I have gone totally out of context. Why didn’t you stop me??

Now, this one's serious. Never ever make us fall in love with a girl who is a good friend. This situation is a bit complex and is not easy to understand if you haven't experienced it yourself. The goddamn tragedy is most of the time when this happens, the girl is already committed and we are just gonna be pissed off beyond limit. Why?? Girls have this peculiar thing of sharing their love life with their good friends. There is a great possibility that you also get to hear what happened last time she went out with her boyfriend, how much she loves her or how cute he is. Damn it girl! Don’t you understand that I don’t give it a kalmadi how cute your chick-magnet teddy-esque boyfriend is!!  Mr Cupid, you may not understand, but every time she talks about this, my heart sinks deeper and I wish I could tell you how much.. Screw her boyfriend!!! If we are lucky and this girl is presently single then there exists a different dilemma. What if she says no? What if she answers in those killer diplomatic lines (which deserves another article), How would I be able to face her again? There will always be that weird sensation floating every time we will be together. Let  those be damned, who say that ex-lovers can be friends. No, they can’t!!  Sparks always exist between the two. Same will happen here and certainly I don’t want that to happen with our friendship. So please, you better not make me fall in love with a friend.

In the end, just one more thing, as a guy, I have hurt many girls till now. I know there comes a time in a guy’s life when he feels rueful about this. I just want to tell you that when mine comes, give me strength so that I’d be ready to expiate in whatever way possible.

Cheers dude!

Just another guy,

Earth.

image courtesy : http://www.clipartandcrafts.com 

      

What's YOUR facebook status ???

 This article is for all of you for whom  facebook is a drug .I would like to thank my 192 friends on facebook who inadvertently inspired me to write this article. Here, I try to categorize the kind of people that we have on FB.

 Mr/Ms ' NUMERO UNO' :
This person is suffering from the breaking news bug.This guy considers it      his biggest failure if he is not the first one to break out a news to his fellow pink-slipped FB friends. Nothing gives him more pleasure than seeing someone commending him thorough 'likes' and  comments on his disclosure.If he is sitting on his toilet seat and can't access his lappy then he tells his mom to put an update on FB that he got loosemotions today.

 Mr/Ms  'YOU BROKE MY HEART' :
This is the person who portrays himself as the one who has been kicked on ass by his lover.Often, his status updates show how much he misses his lover or for that matter, hates her.Some times he helps himself with a bit of shayari or lyrics of a bewafa-sanam-esque song.

Warning: If you really want to be in good books of this person,don't forget to boast your sympathy for him/her.A simple 'Awwwwww' would suffice.

 Ms  'OMG!! THIS IS SO ROMANTIC ':
This class of people (usually girls) possess LBCs (Love Blood Cells) besides the normal RBCs and WBCs running in their every artery and vein.Their status updates consists of the  supposedly-romantic stuff and the funnier thing is that they expect lots of likes and comments and if nobody does this then they commit themselves up to the task and 'like' their own status just to give a jolt to the 'insensitive' friends.

Mr  'YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TODAY??'  :
This guy doesn't come online throughout the day but just when the day is about to get over (though,the sun never sets on FB), he pops in from somewhere and is adamant to inform people about how was his day, on his wall.

 Mr  ' I AM SO LONELY, SYMPATHISE WITH ME '  :
This sympathy-famished person is the most irritating of them all.He just picks up a depressive line from net and drops it on his wall.Bhatt camp's roles for kangna ranaut must have been inspired from him, if not, they should definitely give it a try.

 Mr  'DICTIONARY'  :
This is the guy who is actually preparing for GRE or TOEFL exams where direct vocabulary questions are asked.He considers FB as THE PLATFORM to boast off his command over the most elusive of words.This,in turn frightens his fellow friends over FB,who have to barge in their heads into thesaurus several times just to be somewhere near a position of replying to this guy's posts.

Mr  'THIS LINE IS MINE'  :
This guy impudently denies the original creator of his credits by plundering over his quotes or lines on his wall.This act of plagiarism remains obscure untill you find that quote somewhere on the net.

 Mr  'I AM SO FUNNY' :
This is the guy who searches youtube and dailymotion for funny videos for hours and as and when he finds one,it is next seen on this guy's wall.Again the underlined motive remains the same.. i.e 'likes' and comments.

 Mr   'I dont know what the hell I am posting.I just want likes and comments' :
These are the guys who see a funny link on someone's wall and then in a second, share it on theirs ,for the benefit of their friends.They may not understand why that link is funny but they trust the intelligence of their friends.

Mr  'CRITIC' :
This is the guy who reviews every movie or music album he comes around, on his wall.Sometimes he urges his friends not to watch a particular movie as he found its cinematography and art direction pathetic.

Mr  'SENSIBLE'  :
This guy seems to be the most sensible person around. He is not a prolific status updater. His likes and comments on a post are a validation of sense prevailing in that particular post.

Ms 'FARMVILLE'  :
These girls think that there is nothing else important in your life than to know which vegetable are they growing, or who is their new (ill fated) neighbour.. or is there a bull or a pig or an anaconda which has got into their farm .Important thing being , whether, is he lonely or not , or.. maybe... if he has been forsaken by his owner.And ofcourse the mysterious eggs,which are certainly as mysterious as is the question of their origin itself.

Mr  ' LYRICSWRITER' :
These are the people who like to write lyrics of some random song on their wall to apprise people of their adulation for the song. Ofcourse, their chosen entry for the day varies with the mood swings.

 Mr/Ms    'EMOTICON' :
Boredom can make people do weird things.For instance when they have nothing else to post about and their conscience is literally itching them as to how in this world did they not post anything today. Guilt is ineluctable. So ,finally, they decide to put a mysterious emoticon or two on their wall.That's it. Now that's a pretty smart thing to do.

Mr 'OPEN BOOK' :
 This guy has no secrets.If you follow his status updates then making out what's going on in his life is no big a puzzle.He writes about almost everything thing. These sensational revealations may be anything about his "radio button" relationship fluctuations or his professional life. He does not even hesitate to reveal which brand of underclothes he bought,the last time he shopped.

 The WHOHOOO!!  GIRLS :
 These are the girls whose status makes you feel life is one big party.They like to revel everything good that happens to them.These girls can be identified with the presence of words like "YAY or YAAY or YAAAY" , YEYE ,HAHAHAHA in their status. You should look forward to them.

PS: Even I qualify for many of these titles.

Daily soaps : What they are all about..

That day, I was free and was scanning the channels on my TV. Suddenly, I paused on a channel showing a daily soap. The show had a funny name. It was something like "godbharai" or "godbharvayi". I watched a scene or two and instantly picked up the gist of the story.There was this male lead who was impotent (namard) and he is  portrayed as a super-desperate man to have a baby of his own. Personally, I found it amusing. Soon the show ended and was replaced by another one. This one had a female protagonist who was so meek and gentle that I instantly inferred that no matter what, she is going to face every affliction possible in a joint family.If not, then well.. who will watch the show??

Some of the most common/irritating things that I can point out about these daily soaps are...


THE GAUDY APPEARANCE OF WOMEN :  These women roam around in the house clad in those flashy sarees and jwellery.I sometimes wonder if there is some permanent wedding going on in these soaps.Each woman is trying to beat every other in terms of volumes of jwellery and weight of costumes. Don't the producers know, these things can heavily distract their female audience ( 99% ).

SET : These shows have some really expensive sets. All those women keep wandering here and there in haveli like houses.Moreover , they always have a staircase and yes it is damn important to the storyline. Everytime the makers see a dip in the TRPs they can instantly get their female protagonist pregnant and then she can be made to fall on this staircase. This is like sure shot. It always works.

ZOOM IN/ZOOM OUT: You would be grossly lying if you say that you have never noticed this. Situation is like this. A woman says something to other women (and 1 or two men) and then what follows is a zoom in of the woman from different (otherwise redundant) cameras and then follows the reaction of rest of the inmates to what this woman has said.Ofcourse there are zoom ins here too and rightly so. Reactions are also important , afterall. Sometimes these action-reaction combats last for the whole episode.

SHRILL SOUND EFFECTS: Recently Russel Pokutty won an oscar for background music for slumdog.I sometimes feel that his brothers in the TV industry are always denied of any kind of recognition.These sound effects bring life to the twists. I wonder, all those twists can go unnoticed if sound effects won't have been there. They are like an identity to the actors, specially vamps. Each vamp has her own background music that is as shrill and foxy as it can get. remember komolika....

A WORSHIP PLACE : I dont think this is debatable. All of you must agree that each of these houses have temples where the whole family worships. This idolization is a routine as far as the story is concerned. I wonder( again ) if smriti irani had counted , how many times she has done this. If yes, it would had been difficult to keep a record.

THE OLDEST WOMAN: Each one of these shows has a BAA of its own.This creature defies all physical and natural laws of aging.I sometimes doubt if indian TV producers got hold of elixir somehow.This old woman claims that she has just one wish left in her life. The wish being that she wants to see her grandson getting married. She often blackmails her son (the father ) and forces him to take his son to the nuptial bed as soon as possible so that she can have fun with her super grandson.


THE VAMP : This is the character in the plot that indirectly steers the story forward. She is often an unmarried bua or sister of the sasu maa who is staying in the house without any reason. She is sometimes the sexiest and most seductive woman of them all yet, deceptive.Every vamp has her signature background sound effect which is played every time she successfully executes his shrewd manipulations or when she is praising her wit herself.


DIL MIL GAYE : This particular serial deserves a special mention as it has endowed the television industry with a new kind of senti-romantic crap. It goes like this ..Dr Armaan and Dr Riddhima have a fight over something and riddhima is furious and walks away. Suddenly she gets even more furious as Dr armaan has clutched on to her dupatta.She takes an about turn to find that instead ,the dupatta has entangled in the shirtbutton of Dr Armaan.Then what follows is a series of crappy pseudo-romantic stares while the unplugged version of the title song plays in the background and then you notice that they are doing this for previous half an hour. You then , in exasperation ,switch off the TV and decide that you will release your angst on your blog ...

What have I become???

I've always wanted to be different (just like everybody else) but  was left incapacitated whenever someone  asked  " kid , what do you wanna be in life ?? " and this kid had no clue, neither then nor has he now . With no other alternative pick ,I finally decided to grow up (as if i could do something about it) and surrendered to the mighty kismet .Gave my 10th exams but was again confronted by a situation which demanded hell lot of a mind boggling. What stream to choose? I was literally made to understand "the importance of this decision " by every other person who was elder to me or considered himself/herself more mature. But I thought, this whole concept is a fallacy in the first place. Come on fellas!! you are asking a kid ,something that even adults dread of. It was one of those times when i felt Is this whole world crazy or is it just that I am extra intelligent?

Finally, settled with NON - MED science .Couldn't even flirt with idea of choosing Commerce or Arts.Reason: All my friends were taking up Science. It was like Science is cool and if you stray away, you are not a man. Now, how can a guy like me, who never tasted respect anywhere else , be disloyal to his friends.That is the age when you make many friends  and suddenly they seem to be the most important thing in your life. 

I was in 11th now, friends told me that this isn't going to suffice. One also needs to join a coaching institute (for engg.). By this time, i had understood, life has been playing a river to me and i had no choice but to go with the flow. So i did, indeed going drowning with flow , joined an institute.The same one that my friends had joined. Next two years were like hell. Couldn't do anything. My studies at the fucking institute got messed up. Was equally terrible at school. You know what happens when you try to fool around  with two girlfriends simultaneously. (ahh. terrible analogy!! )  A lesson was there to be learnt.

Eventually, ended up with a not-so-good engg. college.Can't express the depression I went through knowing that none of my friends are in my to-be college.

Anyhow,time passed.Presently, I am in year 3 of 4 of my engineering course. By now, i kind of developed a liking for what i am doing...Things have changed. I am no more an immature kid who just don't has a thinking of his own.  My friends don't indirectly take decisions for me now. Well, i have figured out what i want to do in life. I want to be a software engineer. The Kid has finally grown up!!!

Yesterday, i had a conversation with one of dad's friends which somewhat went like this..

Uncle: "hey son, how are you doing with your studies??"

me: "I am doing pretty good... I like it finally."

Uncle : "okay! that's good ! . I am so happy for you. My boy is going to be a software geek...haha"

me: "Let's see .."

Uncle: "what ?? "

me: "The thing is that I have joined a coaching institute for MBA exams preparation...."

Uncle : ohh. i see... but I thought you were sure that you wanna be a software engineer??

me : "Ummmm.. now i want to be a manager. MBA is cool. All my friends are doing it... and may be i dont like engineering that much....."