This is weird. Isn't it?? Why, in this world, am I writing a letter to you? The one who is crucified every time a person can't practically justify the eerie, insidious attraction he feels induced for someone. But, the question is why the hell I, instead of watching football or fooling around on facebook or beating life out of my phone on whatsapp, for that matter (things that people of my age are supposed to do and the things which in fact some of my coeval friends might be doing right now as i write this letter), I am adamantly writing a zany letter to you. I mean, How dumb I am?
The fact is that, I have my own reasons which persuade me to do this. These are not my personal problems. I am doing this on behalf of all the libidinous (which covers 95% of them) guys who have been, throughout their life, abashed by the pranks played by CUPID on them. Of course, here I am not talking about any kind of platonic love.
Okay! Let’s get started.
You leave me pissed off when you set me having a crush on my best friend's girlfriend. I agree that we have a high female foeticide rate in India but still there are so many other girls out there whom you can set me up with. But, all you could find for me, was, this sole girl. Come on! India still has a sex ratio of 933. You could have done much better. You don’t know how difficult a situation it is for a guy to cheat on his best friend. (I wonder if you are a guy?)
Let’s move on. I was a kid, and you made me fantasize about my teachers!! Fucking awesome!! Haan !! You had fun?? Having said that i agree that i had some privileges that an adult male would have been denied of but there was so little that i could do at that time.You must understand that this is India and people here can't live in such morally-bankrupt, perversion-inducing environment that you are trying to create here. What you do in western countries may be accepted by those people but certainly this can't go on here. We have shiv-sainiks and Ram sena who will beat the shit out of people, if they do so. So please can you find some relevant matches for me?
Let me tell you that nothing is shittier than having a crush on an aunty next door or some receptionist of an institute (only because of whom we make a decision which coaching institute to join). I urge you not to put me in the moral disgrace when this is disclosed in public. No one except, the other guys, can empathize with us. I know this deserves a bad beating on our asses but people!! Try being a guy for one day and you will know that it’s normal. But still as i said earlier it's all, at a higher level because of you or because of GOD who made us that way.
There is another big problem with me. Every time I go and watch a movie, I end up having a crush on the cosmetics clad heroine. In fact, in that particular song of a shit-throwing movie "OSO" which featured every actress who was jobless at that time and was cringing to come on screen and shake'em with the 'BAD-SHAH' KHAN, I ended up being infatuated by each one of them. I am a human after all but I have limitations. I can’t think about so many women in one go. I am not saying that I don’t like it but man!, keep it slow, give me one at a time. The only aberration however, till now has been Shilpa Shetty. I sometimes wonder who told her that she can be a heroine and now she has done the same thing that every unsuccessful so-called-actress does, id - est marrying a millionaire. If she is called an actress in the first place then what wrong a deed Mallika Sherawat has committed. She also deserves the actress status. Ohhh.. I have gone totally out of context. Why didn’t you stop me??
Now, this one's serious. Never ever make us fall in love with a girl who is a good friend. This situation is a bit complex and is not easy to understand if you haven't experienced it yourself. The goddamn tragedy is most of the time when this happens, the girl is already committed and we are just gonna be pissed off beyond limit. Why?? Girls have this peculiar thing of sharing their love life with their good friends. There is a great possibility that you also get to hear what happened last time she went out with her boyfriend, how much she loves her or how cute he is. Damn it girl! Don’t you understand that I don’t give it a kalmadi how cute your chick-magnet teddy-esque boyfriend is!! Mr Cupid, you may not understand, but every time she talks about this, my heart sinks deeper and I wish I could tell you how much.. Screw her boyfriend!!! If we are lucky and this girl is presently single then there exists a different dilemma. What if she says no? What if she answers in those killer diplomatic lines (which deserves another article), How would I be able to face her again? There will always be that weird sensation floating every time we will be together. Let those be damned, who say that ex-lovers can be friends. No, they can’t!! Sparks always exist between the two. Same will happen here and certainly I don’t want that to happen with our friendship. So please, you better not make me fall in love with a friend.
In the end, just one more thing, as a guy, I have hurt many girls till now. I know there comes a time in a guy’s life when he feels rueful about this. I just want to tell you that when mine comes, give me strength so that I’d be ready to expiate in whatever way possible.
Cheers dude!
Just another guy,
Earth.
image courtesy : http://www.clipartandcrafts.com
1 comment:
N dis is an epic :)
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